the consequence of sounds

whorebags, pervos, puttas, etc.

2007-07-13T17:20:03Z

hail to all lemmings!
i've been checking hotmail and facebook on and off, in the (very rare and very precious) free time that we've had, but i haven't been on LJ yet.
so... a short summary of my life so far.

(1) shad carleton is great, and i have met many cool and funny and weird and awesome people and many, many people who are as perverted as i am. you guys would totally feel at home.
(2) it is awesome, but EXHAUSTING. right now, i am sick as a dog (not a female one), and it sucks. D:
(3) it is physically impossible to stay awake during lectures.
(4) i visited the hershey's chocolate factory, and the candy was there was SO GOOD and cheap like a hooker on main. i bought a huge heavy bag chock full of chocolate and it was only nine bucks.
(5) parliament is gorgeous from the outside, and they have some amazing design work inside, but a lot of creepy as HELL, since it so white christian european male. the house of commons is a fucking CHURCH, i am not even joking.
(6) among our late night activities, some of them include : huge games of twister, campfire singalongs, a garbage bag fashion show, and a- as all you facebook monkeys know - a TOGA PARTY.
(7) some of the lectures and discussions that i've had with people here are equally cool as ones we've had in english.
(8) there are so many FUNNY people here, you can't even imagine.
(9) also, there is a freakish number of harry potter nerds.
(10) and i'm going to be late for my next lecture, so bye for now!

fortinbras_loves_bras

2007-06-21T03:58:55Z

hey, all you kids reviewing hamlet for your exam? look no further, because this is THE GREATEST HAMLET RETELLING, EVER.

hey jude...

2007-06-18T23:39:06Z

... don't make it bad
take a sad song
and make it better
remember to let us into your heart
then you can start
to make it better.
- the beatles.

to all lemmings :
today was ordinary but so strange. painful, but beautiful.
i know that nothing lasts forever, and there's a joy and a sorrow in that, at the same time.
i am glad that we had this time together.
even if we lose each other to the seas of time, if we drift upon different tides and become carried away by our own lives, i will always remember, this. this. blue mats, hula hoops, dusty books, orange paint, poetry, caffeine, crying through laughter and laughing through tears. an entire world in itself.
i never thought i would get so damn sentimental in my old / young age, but love sneaks up on you in the strangest places.

edit : this video pretty much sums up everything about lemminghood that i wanted to say. by the end of this, i found myself in tears.

peace to all of you, everywhere.

the many crowns of ophelia

2007-06-16T07:18:33Z

in response to dom's post, which was, in turn, a response to katia's post.

i will tell you a story.

there's a girl. (maybe she's a boy. she could be a boy. she could be anybody. she could be everybody. maybe she already is)

she loves. she drowns. she rises. she is the lost girl (or boy), the broken one, who exists in all of us. she is crying in a washroom stall. she is waiting for the bus. she is painting a picture of a sad girl painting a picture of a sad girl. she is staring at herself in the mirror and thinking of a poem she heard once :

Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me.
Searching my reaches for what she really is.

- sylvia plath

she knows that the world is full of liars. the world is full of pain. the world is black and red, grey and blue, it's the sky trapped by the clouds of its own making, it's the cement that rises up to meet you when you fall, the stones that split the skin and expose you, to the storm crackling air, in all your nakedness and pain and grief and rage and craziness and everything that cannot be contained by words, everything that cannot be wished or prayed or washed or hidden away.

she knows this to be true.

but then - by some miracle, some act of grace, or some stroke of luck that is not luck at all, she discovers that there are others like her. there are others this broken, this torn up, others whose eyes have been forced open by everything that little girls should not be allowed to see, and know, and suffer through. little girls who cannot be little girls anymore, who are forced to become more. and she finds in them an extraordinary beauty that they are too broken to see in themselves. a radiance. it is a light that is more than light. it is a light that you can only find when you have walked through darkness, through fire, through storm. it is a light that you can at first only see in others, not in yourself.

until someone else teaches you how to see it in yourself. until all sisters of the heart teach it to each other.

ophelia at the coronation

desolation is indigo
though all my fears are lilac and white
stream, steam, and laurel, then the dream
the river flows from well to flight

if you are the promiser
and in your wake the kindled waves
burst into light on the ice beneath my voice
i sing yes all this for love

all queens are orphans
relieved of green and crown to serve the spring
lightly, timely, not too soon, forever
they drown and wed next winter's king

- c. mckenna
jan. 21/ 04

this is transmutation, this is that which we call 'divine' : not water into wine, but pain into beauty. all of the pain of the world is lit on fire, and then transformed, becoming compassion, wisdom, kindness, grace. this is the gift that we are capable of giving to each other, through the telling of stories. it is one thing to live with pain, and another be able to tell the story of it. to tell the story of yourself is to understand it, to take strength from it. to rise above it. like dom said :

beauty needs strength, pain, understanding and time.
it must be earned. there is no other way.

which in turn always brings me back to this story, from the book "dangerous angels".

"my pain is ugly, angel juan. i feel like i have so much ugly pain," says witch baby in a dream.

"everyone does," angel juan says. "my mother says that pain is hidden in everyone you see. she says try to imagine it like big bunches of flowers that everyone is carrying around with them. think of your pain like a big bunch of red roses, a beautiful thorn necklace. everyone has one."

- lia francesca block

in order to love someone, you must understand them. in order to understand them, you must become them. or even more than that, but to realise this : we all go and we all return to the same place. we are all made of the dust of stars. we are all part of a single Heart that encompasses us all. and that Heart understands what beauty truly is.

"Do you love me?" a man asks a woman.
"Love you?" she says. "I AM you."

- mckenna, again.

and having said all of that, i will leave you with just one more snatch of one more poem, an old sad ballad that i've carried with me since i was in the cradle, about the first lost girl that i ever found.

Lying, robed in snowy white
That loosely flew to left and right --
The leaves upon her falling light --
Thro' the noises of the night,
She floated down to Camelot:
And as the boat-head wound along
The willowy hills and fields among,
They heard her singing her last song,
The Lady of Shalott.

Heard a carol, mournful, holy,
Chanted loudly, chanted lowly,
Till her blood was frozen slowly,
And her eyes were darkened wholly,
Turn'd to tower'd Camelot.
For ere she reach'd upon the tide
The first house by the water-side,
Singing in her song she died,
The Lady of Shalott.

- alfred, lord tennyson

of course your pain is a part of you. but it does not need to be a chain around your neck. it can be a necklace of flowers. or a wreath of leaves. or the crown of a young orphan king, or a young orphan queen.

of course the lady of shalott died. but before she died, she sang. and the whole world listened, in silence, in awe and in love. and they heard themselves in her song.

what the water wants is hurricanes

2007-06-16T04:16:21Z

posting lyrics to "sister", lovely song by sufjan stevens, in honour of all little sisters, sisters in mourning, and sisters of the heart.

What the water wants is hurricanes,
and sailboats to ride on its back.
What the water wants is sun kiss,
and land to run into and back.

I have a fish stone burning my elbow,
reminding me to know that I'm glad
that I have a bottle filled with my old teeth.
They fell out like a tear in the bag.

And I have a sister somewhere in Detroit
She has black hair and small hands.
And I have a kettledrum
I'll hit the earth with you.

And I will crochet you a hat.
And I have a red kite;
I'll put you right in it.
I'll show you the sky...

i wish you a happy and peaceful weekend, all you lemming folk.

4 more days to freedom.

2007-06-11T21:10:51Z

so, history fills me with homicidal rage. what else is new?

what's new is that i just found out that part of the reason basford made that Stupid Arse Speech was because my MOTHER phoned the school and is going to talk to mr heshka. when basford asked why she was going straight to heshka, instead of even talking to him first, she said something along the lines of, "well you obviously haven't been able to resolve this with my daughter, so why would i go to you (you bloody idiot)?"

i love my mother so much.

fighting the urge to start a class-wide rebellion. we need a flag, guys. and our own anthem.

love of the loveless

2007-06-10T19:50:13Z

been trying to write my genre theory essay all weekend, and failing. just for your entertainment, i thought i'd put up an excerpt of my english notes, which are filled with trash talking, whores and nuns, creepy stalkers, bitterness, and abusive usage of the F word.

... So, the Duke tries to bring Isabella (Our Brave and Beautiful Romantic Heroine) into the world of Comedy, which is all happiness and fluffiness and kittens. "Hear ye, hear ye!: The Duke will shout. "Welcome to my world! Society will be rejuvenated! Bad guys will be thrown into jail! Young virgins will be rescued! Justice will be served! People will get married! And all this for the LOW, LOW price, to be paid in five easy installments of $399.99 each! At that rate, it's practically a steal! Hey, I'm the good guy here! Why are you spitting in my face!?"

Isabella... he doesn't see her as a woman, he sees her as a means of stroking his ego. She's perfect, don't you see! She fits right into his plans! She's pure and chaste! She's hot! She's a fucking status symbol, she's like a show car, she's like the ornament on the hood of a show car. Vanity and pride. Who's the real fool here? What, you seriously thought that she was just going to fall into your lap? You thought all that talk of chastity and being a nun was just a woman's coy whisperings, you thought she was batting her fucking eyelashes at you underneath her veil?

You're an idiot, Mr Man, Mr Duke, Mr Superhero Who Saves the Day By Being a Creepy Perverted Stalker, Mr Fake Man of the Faith, Mr Statesman / Warrior / Philosopher / All Around Good Guy Made of Awesomeness, Mr I am the Rightful Ruler of Vienna Even Though I Couldn't Hold the Reins and Stop the Horses for Two Fucking Seconds, Mr Manipulative Bastard Wanna Be Puppet Master, Mr Ears Pressed to the Door of the Bedroom, Mr Peeping Tom, Mr Getting Off On Everybody's Admiration Even Though Hello No One Gives a Shit About You, Mr Wanna-Fuck-a-Nun Fucktwit, you make me sick.

~

shakespeare has never been this fun. in other news, i am officially messed in the head.

chenanigan @ 2007-06-07T16:41:00

2007-06-07T21:49:00Z

been listening to "joyful girl" by ani difranco, which is about a girl who's anything but happy. this is the song that i thought of, when i read dom's exam story. also, "untouchable face" is quite good. a deceptively gentle-sounding song with a chorus goes like this :

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
tell me who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
tell me who am i
bet you can't even tell me that much,
so fuck you...

peace to all hurting hearts.

click me... you know you want to.

2007-06-03T05:03:08Z

"woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head" : a day in the life

2007-06-03T04:41:31Z

... i decided the other day that i would only do topical blog-style posts, and not just random daily things. i am now gleefully violating this rule. to make it interesting, i am writing my life as if it were a soundtrack.

"if winter ends" by bright eyes. finally got roughs for the two (goddamnfuckingshit) critical theory questions for winter's tale, the survival and the postmodern ones. unfortunately, they are a piece of shit, so i will edit them and send them all of to kelly tomorrow.

"the waltz of the tennis players" by meg baird. i am sunburned and sore like a mother from tennis. there is a lesson to be learned from this. if you ever get the brilliant idea to play tennis barefoot, because you are wearing slip on leather shoes that fall off if you lift up your feet, just... don't. your thought process will go something like this :

     1.) ow. ow. OW.
     2.) ehh, this gravel is really, really rough, but it ain't so bad.
    3.) ehh, this gravel is really, really hot, but it still ain't so bad.
    4.) EHH, THIS CUT GLASS ON THE GRAVEL IS BAD.
    5.) hey! b/c i have to keep dancing around and moving my feet or else have my feet suffer a burny death, i am actually playing better than i have before!
    6.) FUCK OWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
    7.) Repeat 6 for the next two days.

"fortress" by pinback. (carl: this was the mysterious song that was not "porcelain"! neither was it "play" by flunk either, as i thought. XD) went to carl's print making street festival thing, which was really, really cool, even though it was a billion degrees outside. also, my brother mark randomly found a $30 unopened bottle of grey goose vodka on the bus. XD

"go to sleep" by radiohead. attempt to do english homework when i get home. fail, miserably. gloomily consider how this whole damn english thing has only stretched on so endlessly because i've procrastinated so spectacularly. eat some cappuccino ice cream, and crash hard, for about four hours.

"light your ass on fire" by busta rhymes. my window is open, so the smoke from my parent's bonfire is outside. i sincerely hope that no asses are being lit.

there will be time, there will be time

2007-06-01T04:36:03Z

just thought i'd post up a poem i found the other day, by eliza griswold. this is for everyone who's feeling burnt out and ready to jump off a cliff, lemmings-style. and thank you everybody who's been concerned and "gentle" with me, to use tulner's words. i'm not okay, but i will be, so no worries, yeah.

in another year of fewer disappointments
The minor angel mops his brow and laughs
his miraculous laugh, ringing with sorrow.
His face—if this is his face—this mask
of wrecked grace says, Sit with me.
Come sit with me for a while.
Ah, to be as wise as he is—

but we can't know what suffering will cost us.
It could cost the very self that longed for it,
that winked at its specter, lurking,
blueing the sky. In the wake of its coming,
the small boat of our souls—
where we imagined we'd ride out the gale
in high style—has splintered and sunk,
one gunwale washed onto the beach
for the jittery, pea-brained seagulls to perch on
and spatter. What does that matter,
the angel asks. One rib made the world once.
~

peer pressure strikes once again!

2007-05-30T03:51:37Z

hey guys, come and join me in the madness of the month of june that is SCRIPT FRENZY. it is, in short, a contest where you write a (really fun and really crappy) screenplay in 30 days, just for shits and giggles.

the "cardinal rules" are :

(1) quantity, not quality, is ABSOLUTELY VITAL.
(2) any writing skill or talent is ABSOLUTELY UNNECESSARY.
(3) pure, cracked out randomness is ABSOLUTELY WELCOME.
(4) "the more, the merrier" is ABSOLUTELY TRUE.

and don't say that you can't write 666 words of random crap every day for a month, i've seen the mad libs, the love letters, and the lj posts.

and DON'T THINK ABOUT EXAMS, b/c we have so much free time in between and after them. REALLY.

hope some of you join up. ;D

edit : and also, to take a leaf from popsicles and/or siamese twins, you can write in teams of two.

geeky anime / harry potter post! feel free to ignore, ON PAIN OF DEATH.

2007-05-27T15:00:52Z

so i'm making a blatantly nerdy anime post, mostly b/c derek and katia have been watching studio ghibli movies lately. BEHOLD, here is the shortlist of hayao miyazaki movies to watch before you die. they are ranked (very, very roughly!) by least favourite to most favourite, but they are ALL filled with AWESOME. and you should all check them out.

my neighbour totoro. i find this a million times more entertaining and beautiful than any disney film you can shake a stick at, honestly. a story of two sisters, and how fantasy can be reality. randomly features : "totoros" (a cute mispronounciation of "trolls", but trust me, these things are a million times cuter than the ordinary trolls), moonlight tree grove dances, and a CATBUS. c'mon guys. A CATBUS.

kiki's delivery service. all about a li'l thirteen-year-old witch who settles into a town and sets up - you guessed it - her own delivery service. randomly features : a cynical black cat named jiji (who talks), a murder of crows (who don't talk), bakers, airships, a sweet and funny geek on a bike, and a lovely imaginary seaside town with elements of japan, canada (canadian geese, to be exact) and italy (!!!).

laputa : castle in the sky. this movie, out of all of them, has some of the best flying scenes. EVER. about a mountain girl with a family legacy and a boy whose father disappeared trying to find the floating castle of laputa. randomly features : glowy levitating rocks, hidden paradises, trumpet playing in the morning, high speed chases, and AIR PIRATES!!! did i mention the pirates?

nausicaa of the valley of the wind. this. is. AMAZING. and one of the DVDs that i absolutely have to buy. about a young girl, the leader of her people, who forges a link between the race of man, who have polluted and nearly destroyed the earth, and the race of huge sentient... insect-like beings (they're cooler than that, trust me) who are in danger of dying with the planet. features : beauty and awe. words don't do it justice.

princess mononoke. first ghibli film i ever watched. about the prince of a clan that's almost died out, who must cut ties and must journey to the forests where the last of the great old gods reside, where he meets the human daughter of a wolf god. randomly features : the most beautiful forest scenes you will ever see, bar none, and things that will make you question not the nature of animals, but man.

spirited away. probably the film that's gotten the most publicity in america, and for good reason. a wonderful "growing up" and emotional journey kind of story. features : a bath house of gods, HUGE PIGS, a dragon boy (!!!), literal talking heads, little dust creatures also found in totoro, and trains that ride on the ocean.

SO GO OUT THERE AND START WATCHING. =D

note : these aren't ALL the ghibli films i've watched (that would also include pom poko, porco rosso, grave of the fireflies, and of course whisper of the heart and howl's moving castle, but these ARE my favourite. =D)

and an important notice to everyone who loves Harry Potter...

hey kids, i am auctioning off a copy of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

original prince is $41, so let's say the bidding starts at $20.
or, you know, make an offer, whatever, i'm not too picky.
if you're interested, i can bring it to school monday for you to check out.

specs :
- hardcover Brit/Cdn edition
- includes dust jacket
- fairly good condition
- slight creases on one part of the dust jacket near the top of the spine, but otherwise fine.
- from the midnight release of the 6th harry potter book.

for all you curious folk out there, this is the book that i recieved and read for the "fastest harry potter review". so tis a book filled with HISTORY, and WOW, and a MEDIOCRE CLAIM TO FAME. XD

peter parker is an emo brat.

2007-05-21T23:33:55Z

- a belated LJ welcome to bon, derek, donna, and mac! whenever you feel like a conformist, just remember : it's GOOD to be a lemming.

- i have spent all weekend cleaning/trying to clean and i fear the smell of orange lysol will NEVER leave my flesh.

- i gots me a haircut. as did everyone else, it seems? in my attempts to be different, i have conformed. XD sorry, no asian picture whoring here, since my camera's broken.

- went and saw spider-man 3 with my brothers, carlo, andy, and chris. it was SOOOO BAD. (sorry bonster.) there were, however, many things that were (unintentionally) hilarious that had us cracking up in our seats.

the funniest thing, however, HAD to be EMO!PETER. see above picture.

i am the walrus!

2007-05-13T18:03:50Z

hee, switched to a new default icon. this picture makes me laugh like a laughy thing. =D yaaay~!

finished winter's tale. the randomness is HILARIOUS and AWESOME. in return, i am now hideously behind in all of my other subjects! yaaaaaaaay~!

i am coughing and hacking like a dying engine, and feel like i will soon choke on my organs as they gleefully try to escape my body by wriggling out of my infected throat! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay~!
psst, quick nudge to everyone who hasn't entered yet : check out katia's new contest.

"you can do it, we can help." <-- omg, WHY does this sound so dirty.

2007-05-13T03:07:05Z

i has a hilarious story, chilluns. so me, my cousin carlo, and my other brother mark are at home depot, cos we need stuff to make potato cannons. and this EXTREMELY HOT little female asian home depot worker walks by. me and my cousin nudge each other, and make furious eyebrow signals at mark, who COMPLETELY MISSES them.

me and carlo : dammit, mark, didja see that!? why didn't you go talk to her!?
mark : to who?
me : the extremely fine asian chick who just walked by!
mark : oh, i didn't see her. hmm, i wonder if these PBCs can be cut to size...
carlo : why don't you ask Hot Girl?
mark : *completely oblivious* does she know anything about PBC?
me and carlo : *HOWL WITH LAUGHTER*

then, later :
carlo : yeah, i saw a surprising number of hot female workers at home depot today.
me : home depot's getting smarter, improving their marketing strategy.
mark : i didn't notice any.
carlo : do you not have EYES?
mark : we're here to buy THINGS!!!

XDXDXDXD i swear, mark is like, asexual. not even homosexual. ASEXUAL. sorry christine and kate, i don't think there's any hope for you.

your apple dumpling shop makes me in for your greens.

2007-05-12T03:48:26Z

it's official, i have a throat infection. blerrrrrgh. also, You Know You're An Accel English Kid When : you open up your bottle of antiobiotic pills, and giggle when you see that they're ORANGE.

i've already passed this link around to several other people, but i'm putting it up here for one and all to become educated in the usage of Euphemisms : Sexy Words.

i'm also putting up a copy of the letter that i put inside our history booklet, which is addressed to mr basford. most of you have read it already, but there are a couple who haven't. mr tulner said, "be gentle" so i was gentle in that i didn't rake him over the coals with the north end bit. i think mr heshka and ms ianone already did a stupendous job with that, thank you very much.

oh yes. mr heshka read the letter beforehand. apparently, he LAUGHED. =D follow the cut for dangerous rebel documents. papineau and mackenzie, you are totally my spiritual papas.

May 8, 2007

Mr Basford,

I will try to say this to you as clearly and directly as I can, because evidently I was not clear enough: I and my group members will not change the phrase “filthy rich”. To change it is unnecessary and ridiculous. It insults the intelligence of fourth graders, and of all schoolchildren. When compared to all the other media that our generation is exposed to, such as movies, music, and the internet, the phrase “filthy rich” is mild and harmless. A recent part of our history curriculum just examined mercantilism, and how Britain exploited its North American colonies in order to raise funds for the British government. Why don’t we censor that part of our curriculum? Or why don’t we censor the section of our History textbooks discussing how the Battle of Seven Oaks led to the death of twenty colonists? It’s violence and murder, isn’t it? Doesn’t that seem like a more serious issue than the phrase “filthy rich”? After all, Lord Selkirk was a philanthropist who used his wealth to purchase land and begin a colony for his poor countrymen. How could filthy rich have a negative connotation within such a positive context? If it was ever filthy to begin with, surely that filthiness has been expunged by the fact that he used his finances for such a humanitarian cause.

Speaking of insulting the intelligence of students, I believe that this one incident is very indicative of the entire pattern of our semester in History. All students come to a new class expecting that it will meet some standard of quality, and so far, History has failed to do just that. I am an Accelerated student, who is involved with Student Council, Freshly Pressed, and Generation Peace, and who represented Sisler (or, rather, the North End!) at the Canada Wide Science Fair in 2005, and I am used to courses with a high standard for teaching. History is slated as a Specialized class, but the actual reality seems to be far from it. I could just as easily read the textbooks and the booklets, do the questions, complete the projects, and write the tests, independently, without having to actually attend class. I do not feel that my learning experience has been at all enriched by going to classes everyday for eighty minutes, where the actual work takes in fact only about ten minutes. Instead, attending class leads to the unjustified and ungrounded censorship of a phrase like “filthy rich”, when you can turn on the radio and hear much worse within thirty seconds.

Filthy rich is not a pejorative, and we never intended to imply that those who are rich are somehow “filthy”. Your comment about the North End, which insinuates that all those who live in the North End fall below the ordinary standards of life, economic-wise, is a pejorative. Almost all of the 1700 students of Sisler as well as a good number of the teachers, are all in the North End, and very, very proud of it.

Sincerely,

Gretchen Derige

p.s. Contrary to popular belief, King Henry the XIII did not have eight wives.

"money is what you give the monkey, or the monkey pee on you."

2007-05-11T01:26:58Z

... so, feeling slightly (but not really?) more alive. i traded the sore throat for a dry and scratchy one, and i exchanged my fever for completely stuffed up nasal passages.

spent all day outside, b/c it was way too damn hot in the house (wait, that's the fever talking XD). all i did, all day, was read, make notes, and blow my nose. i'm halfway through the huge monolith that is winter's tale, and it is beautiful and hilarious and heartbreaking and mind numbingly awesome. subject line is quoted straight from the book.

unfortunato-ly (yes kat, that's for you =D) i won't be in english again tomorrow, since my doctor's appointment is at 10:30. but i'll be coming back for the afternoon... dead or alive.

preferably alive.

fuckingshit.

2007-05-10T13:28:31Z

- sore throat
- fever
- trouble swallowing
- fatigue
- red/enlarged tonsils
- yellow/white coating on tonsils

*cries*

... guys, i think i might have tonsilitis.

sorry kat, michaels, i don't think i'm coming to school today.

the murder of our imaginations

2007-05-09T06:05:36Z

here's a story : there was a guy who was an arts professor at a university. he brought his little daughter with him to take your kids to work day. she asked him, "daddy, what do you actually DO?" and he said, "i teach people how to paint."

at this, the little girl's mouth dropped wide, wide open, and she said, "you mean - they FORGET?"

and this is why you should all watch THIS video, because your life will be empty and meaningless and your brains will be sucked out if you don't. it's called "do schools kill creativity?" and, in a word... YES.

censorfuckingship

2007-05-09T03:27:00Z

conversation today with basford :

b : *flips open first page of book* ... i want you to change this, "filthy, filthy rich". i thought we talked about this.
me : mr heshka said it was okay.
b : *burny stare*
me : *returns burny stare*
--> think of one of those bad western pre-shootout staring contests here.
b : i want you to change this.
*INSERT LONG PAUSE HERE*
me : ... and you would have me change it to?
b : really, really rich.
*INSERT EVEN LONGER PAUSE HERE*
me : fine.
THEN I WALKED AWAY.

note : i said, "fine"; i did NOT say "i will change it." if he thinks that, he must be hard of hearing.

... OH WAIT. AHAHA. HAHA. HA.

so flist, i have a burning question for you!

View Poll: #981365

a boy of yearning

2007-05-05T07:03:36Z

... so, death of a salesman, chen flavour. mostly bernard and biff.

so this is weirdly similar to the romeo and juliet mercutio/tybalt thing? which is odd in itself, b/c neither of them are like anything else that i've written. XDXDXD i usually write about GIRLS, so this is a leap in the other direction for me. my god, chen is finally succumbing to slash.

... so, you all remember bernard from salesman, right? the kid next door, the geek in knickers. he is the original accel kid. the one who nags biff like a housewife to do his homework, and helps him cheat on tests. he is also the one, years later, who doesn't completely fuck up his life and actually does everything right : graduates from high school, goes to law school, gets married, has kids. the perfect hetero hero, right? but that's a lot later on.

so, let's say bernard and biff are around our age. biff is the living embodiment of the hero myth, the golden boy we all know and love, as in an arrogant, cocky bastard, who orders around his adoring boy fans, and who's rough with his adoring girl fans, and on the verge of failing his math class but squeaks by in his other courses because the football team needs him. (me, bitter about football players getting precedent in sisler? NEVER.)

so bernard pretty much spends all of his life being biff's second favourite dog. he follows him around, helps him with his schoolwork, nags, scolds, is brushed off, is tolerated, is semi-included by simply being ignored and being allowed to hang out in the background. just when bernard's felt that he's dealt with enough shit, that's he ready to walk off, walk away, biff will fling an arm around him or tousle his hair or say, "hey, thanks" for something like a towel after football practice, and bernard's back to square one again. it's one of those kinds of relationships, the kind where you just keep hanging on, hoping : one day he'll notice me. one day he'll give a shit about me. one day he'll notice when i'm not here. if i just keep hanging on long enough. one day.

it's funny, because bernard knows, maybe better than anyone, exactly what kind of a shithead biff is, but at the same time, he idolizes him the same as everybody else. he despairs, but finds a way to forgive. it's a weird place to live, when you know someone's a terrible human being, but you love them anyway. you really cannot honest to god help it. and you kinda hate yourself for it, for being the bad cliche of a victim. for staying in the car when you know it's gonna crash.

and they sorta get stuck in this cycle, they've been trapped in it for years, and bernard is so fucking fed up with it. the final blow comes when biff fails his math exam, and blames it on BERNARD for not helping him cheat, when bernard offered time and again to help biff study for it, only to be blown off. so biff does that thing where he storms out to talk to his daddy. he disappears for a month or so, and when he comes back, he's just - completely different. utterly destroyed. (this is cos of the woman, but bernard never learns about her.)

and they have their fateful fight down in the boiler room, when biff says "hit me" and bernard's like "i'm not gonna hit you" and biff says "please, just hit me" and bernard's like "i'm not going to hit you" biff's like "HIT ME GODDAMMIT HAVEN'T YOU EVER WANTED TO HIT ME?" and the truth is, bernard has. all those years of rage and desire, of bitterness and hurt and loneliness and blind, empty hope. and he hits biff. and he hits him again, and again, and again.

and the worst part is, biff doesn't even fight back. he just sits there and takes it. and for the first time in seventeen years, he cries. he fucking CRIES.

and then, there's a kiss.

it's very confusing, it happens very fast. bernard goes to help biff up, and when he does, biff's face is all tear streaky and swollen, and there's just the rush and the blur and biff's face somehow mashed up against his own, fast and confused. then it's over as fast as it began, and biff pretty much breaks down crying, and hangs onto bernard for dear life.

that strange messed up kiss, it's a goodbye kiss, a sorry-i-fucked-you-over-kiss, it's a the-world-is-ending-kiss, it's a i-don't-know-what-the-hell-to-do-anymore kiss.

and it's the worst thing in the world, because all of a sudden bernard is very, very tired, and nothing makes sense anymore. biff, his goddamn hero, the person he's loved for god knows how long, is completely broken down. he's given up on life. and suddenly bernard, who's spent so long being the sidekick, the weak one, is all of a sudden the strong one. he has to go to biff and be kind, and say, "it's all right, man, it's all right". he has to watch the death of his hero. and he has to face the hard, sad truth that heroes don't really exist. when biff-the-hero dies, so does bernard-the-kid-who-loved-him. from innocence to experience, man. there it is.

and in that moment, bernard grows the hell up. and it's the saddest thing in the world.

chenanigan @ 2007-05-03T21:17:00

2007-05-04T02:46:52Z

so the battlefield's been quiet the last couple days, which is nice. that being said, i'll tell you about some recent developments from the past little while... none of this stuff will probably be new to anyone in history, but it's nice to have on record. just so, you know, when we're old farts, we can point this out to our kids and be like, "BACK IN THE DAY, I USED TO BE A REBEL!" like we're goddamn louis riel, or something. XDXDXD

wednesday. this is the order of reactions and interactions that went on :

(o0) tulner spoke to me, early in the morning.
(o1) basford went to go speak to tulner (again).
(o2) basford went to go speak to mr thiessen (kat's psych teacher).
(o3) bandfield tells me that he wants me to talk to ms ianone and mr heshka (actually, this should be bumped up, since it happened earlier).
(o4) basford went to go speak to his department head. his department head is... mr bandfield.
(o7) basford and bandfield talked.
(o7) basford and bandfield than went and talked to ms ianone and mr heshka.

so, what did i learn from these interesting conversations?

to quoth mr tulner : "mr basford has to deal with a lot of things right now. it's not just what happened with you, because you've already dealt with that [by apologizing to him]. it's a whole culmination of things that have been building up from a while. so... be gentle with him."

when i told ms ianone and mr heshka these, ms ianone laughed SO. HARD. god, i love that woman.

conclusion : tulner is halfway to sainthood. i swear to god, the courtesy and patience that he shows to people is extraordinary. especially to people that he "doesn't like talking to". (it's not that he doesn't LIKE them. he just doesn't like TALKING to them.)

to quoth basford : "things are escalating, and I DON'T KNOW WHY."

god, man. get a fucking clue. the main reason i want to write this letter is to (very professionally, civilly, and courteously) set the record straight and tell him exactly why we're so pissed off and "high strung". things are escalating mostly due to the strangest phrases that are cropping up in kat, zoe and dom's booklet. no, don't ask me, ask them, they all have LJs now. =D also... THE LABELS. XD

to quoth ms ianone : "so, bandfield and basford (b^2), they don't like each other. at ALL. not just because of you, it's been going on for years."

which explains why, when i started to ask bandfield something about mr basford, he - well, look :

to quoth bandfield : "i don't want to talk about it." and he didn't.

at first, i was kinda pissed off. most of the time i'm entertained at his politician-y-ness, and how he's very, very good at playing the game and staying on the right side of the line, at least verbally, but this time i just got kinda pissed. like wtf, man, i would really like to know this.. once i found out that he didn't like mr basford, it passed, because he can't actually complain about another teacher to a student, even if (especially if!) that student agrees. so he's a professional in that regard.

i kinda think that bandfield's pushing me to do this radio thing on monday to sorta get my good name back. it's sorta been dragged through the mud in this thing, and this is a chance to show both basford and the admin that i'm still a Grade A Egg. i can't confirm this and never will, but the thought's there, all the same.

what else have i learned? even if tulner says that they're "histrionic" as well, i still love the admin. because, well....

to quoth ms ianone : "so yesterday we had our meeting with them, and sorted this whole issue out. it was pretty funny, with everyone [translation : b^2] annoying each other. we also brought up the north end bit to mr basford, who seemed pretty flustered by it. so he left and came back with the booklet and pointed out the ASS-in-a-boy-yuh, but that's not the issue, and it's easy to change."

she is so cool. she didn't even blink an eye at the fact that we put that in there to be total brats. XD

and also, since i was late for class, i got some advice on how to enter a room :

to quoth mr heshka : "now, you don't have to take my advice. but you just walk in, look him in the eye, say 'good afternoon, mr basford' and sit down."
ms inanone : "all the other students will be watching you, and what you do. that will show him that -you're- in charge. if he tries to complain, tell him that you are presenting some issues to him in writing, that will be dealt with in the office, by mr heshka. end of story."

so i still want to do the letter thing, but i'm getting lazier and more reluctant, because of (1) other, more pressing matters [like english deadlines!] (2) the fact that time is passing, and my indignation is fading some (3) because i don't want to destroy him.

however, i still DO want to write it, just so he gets a very clear, concise, and politely worded idea of why he hate his class so, and what exactly our problem with him is, instead of him making up his own conclusions and thinking the worst of us. it's better if he hears it from us, you know.

also : today was the best history class that we had in a while, mostly because we had a sub, kaufman's younger brother. we (me and him) finished the other half of his crossword, and afterr he showed me how, i did the quote in a box, too. it was just some of friends (who weren't in the library) in the class, and all we did was hang out and edit english stuff and talk.

i think that, judging from his absence, mr basford is completely scared of us now. XDXDXD

declaration of war : battle of the bastard.

2007-05-01T21:52:33Z

WOW. so, i was going to post yesterday, but then some friends i haven't seen in months came over. actually, it works out better this way, so i can just make one huge monster post.

so. i'm currently waging war with mr. basford. for full details, as always, follow the cut.

sunday. things begin innocently enough. christine, kate and i work our butts off to make this history booklet for fourth graders all freakin' day, and we actually end up having a lot of fun with it (surprise, much?). we're all like, YES. one history assignment that we don't ABSOLUTELY HATE. it's like, a miracle.

monday. the book is done. we show it to mr basford. i can't remember all of the conversation, but here are some snippets :

basford : now, if you'll just follow me into my office... *gestures to a desk*
kate and christine : YOU DON'T HAVE AN OFFICE.
me : guys, don't ruin his game of let's pretend! students shouldn't be the crushing a teacher's imagination! that's the TEACHER'S job!

and then, as the conversation goes on :

b : *reading from the book* "there once was this scottish dude named lord selkirk, who was filthy rich." *looks up* hmm, filthy rich. i don't think you can use that phrase. that's a pejorative.
me : no it's NOT. it's IDIOSYNCRATIC language. (note : it wasn't really, i meant to say IDIOMATIC, but it's not like he can tell the difference anyway.)
b : which side of this desk are you on?
m : well, since this IS an imaginary office, i can tell which of our chairs is supposed to be the plushier one.

then, it goes on :

b : now, do you really think fourth graders will understand this?
kate, christine, me : yes, they'll understand.
basford : but do you think their teachers will understand?
us : yes, they'll understand.
b : see, YOU don't understand. just because they're filthy doesn't mean they're rich. i know you're from the north end, but...

wait. stop. rewind. some of you will probably think i'm making this up. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. he actually went and said :

"i know you're from the north end, but..."

yeah. i just needed to have that stated for the record.

so things continue on in this vein for the next ten minutes. kate, christine and i are all smiling and nodding as he continues being a condescending asshole. i smile so hard my teeth start to hurt, and i just get madder and madder and madder and madder until i finally snap, slam my hands on the desk, and shout :

"IT DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE DIRTY!"

unfortunately, i happened to forget that we were in a library.

(you have to understand, this was after a week of drama classes where we shouted as loud as we could, every single day, for vocal warm ups. just needed to add that)

so the WHOLE LIBRARY turns. and looks at me. and all i managed to get out is, "i need to go the washroom", and i book it out of there as fast as i can, before the librarians can throw me out. to tell the truth, the librarians were staring too.

so i get out of there, and cool my head (literally) in the washroom, and as soon as i get out of the washroom, i take one look at the library - and just WALK AWAY. just walk away. i go all the way to corvino's, rant to her about the whole thing, and she gives me candy and pointers on what to say to him the next day. i had the strangest mixture of feelings - first, there was the pissed off- ness. but almost over riding it was this feeling that what just happened was TOTALLY SURREAL. i mean, it was so RIDICULOUSLY STUPID, i can't believe that it actually happened.

and, you know, there was elation. cause i finally got to let out some steam.

as my dad put it later on, "so you handed it to your teacher, eh?"

later on, kate, christine, katia, and dom all come upstairs, "looking" for me. apparently this was how their conversation with basford went, after it was apparent i wasn't coming back :

them : do you want us to look for chen?
b : oh, no, it's all right, i can handle it.
them : .... do you want to die?

and then they went and found me in corvino's, and told me that basford wanted to talk to me. my answer to that was pretty much, "FUCK that, i'm not gonna talk to him until i'm ready to talk to him, and i am not ready to talk to him. i'm reasonable enough to know when i'm being unreasonable, and if i go back there now, i am going to BITE HIS HEAD OFF."

so they go back to the library and tell basford that they searched for me everywhere with no success. (i love my friends. you guys rock so hard.) i come back to my locker when the bell rings, to cheers of "YOU'RE MY HERO" and i do a little stage bow.

i go home, tell this story to my mother. she gasps and says, "are you going to be SUSPENDED?"

i snort, and say, "MOM. it's BASFORD. if he suspends me, i'll just yell at him until he unsuspends me."

oh. also. apparently, he's making us change "filthy rich" to "really, really, really rich". corvino says we should change it to "overwhelmingly, fantastically, BEYOND IMAGINING-LY rich." she also says that i should say to basford, "the way you act makes me want to scream."

i love ms corvino so much.

tuesday (today). so. today. i have a game plan. i have a good idea of what i'm going to say to basford. i tell this whole story to mary and donna and say, "yeah. i'm going to be as objective and reasonable as possible. i'm going to be reasonable if it KILLS me. i'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. i'm going to tell him, i apologize for not handling my emotions in a mature way, but that does NOT change the way that i feel."

apparently mr basford talked to mr tulner this morning about how we act up in his class, and tulner (who apparently rolled his eyes and looked irritated when mr basford called on him XD) was very kind and defended us, saying that we were good kids, we just got a little "emotional" sometimes. (i think the word "histrionics" might have too many syllables [and too many i's!] for mr basford to understand.)

i've already decided that i'm not going to throw a temper tantrum and be like I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU, i'm going to give him a list of solid reasons as to why i hate his class and the way that he treats us (mostly like we're five years old). unfortunately, tulner is out of the room when i make this speech, so he is forced to make a very similar speech to our entire class in english. but he says pretty much the exact same thing i did, he just uses different words ; instead of "objective and reasonable", he says "professional, civil, and courteous".

and, as i found out later, apparently other teachers have complained to tulner about us, and there have been several "incidents" with our class. (btw, mckenzie is my hero - she's battled basford as well). so yay, we're all horrible together.

so i'm like, okay. i'll be the better man. woman. teenager. teenage girl. i'll be the better whatever.

so. after history today. i go. and i fucking APOLOGIZE to him, blah blah mature blah blah emotional blah blah blah. and he says, he says. "i accept your apology. this is jut our first semester together." (ONLY, i think in my head. ONLY.) "and i'm starting to understand that you're all capable young women, you're just a little high strung."

what. the. FUCK.

(as ms ianone said afterwards, "what is THAT supposed to mean?")

and it's like BANG. I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS. after we've just got this thing dealt with, he goes back to being the same condescending asshole that he's been the WHOLE TIME. he doesn't realise that it's not about THIS incident, it's about the way he treats us ALL THE TIME. as if this whole thing has been ENTIRELY my fault, and that he didn't play ANY PART IN IT WHATSOEVER. i confess that i was partly at fault, but so was he. and now he decides to FORGIVE me? get off your high fucking horse.

so i sat there, and i remembered what tulner said, and i figured it out : yeah, this guy doesn't get it. he's never going to get it. ever. and i'm not gonna bother explaining to him. so i said, "i have to go to law." and i booked it out of there.

and i didn't even manage to get into the law classroom before i started crying. i was so extraordinarily PISSED off at him, that i was actually crying. bandfield was super worried, and he asked me if would go talk to ms ianone. and i said i would, after i talked to ms corvino. so i got up to corvino's, told her it went horrible, and she said, "mr heshka and ms ianone were just here. mr bandfield actually talked to them and said, 'i have a student named gretchen derige who is visibly upset over an incident with a teacher'.

so we went to the office and i had this huge long talk not only with ms ianone but with mr heshka. and i told them pretty much EVERYTHING. not just about yesterday, but the whole year, about how godawful it's been. oh wait, this one part was great :

me : so he says, 'just because they're rich doesn't mean they're filthy. i know you're from the north end, but -'
ms i and mr h : WAIT. WHAT did he say? can you repeat that?
me : *repeat what i just said*
ms i : WOW. does he realise that all 1700 students AT THIS SCHOOL, and that a whole bunch of the 100 staff, are all from the NORTH END? that his school is IN the north end? mr heshka, you're from the north end, aren't you?
mr h : yes i am, AND PROUD OF IT.
ms i : see, that comment was made in complete ignorance. filthy rich is a statement in literature. that's not pejorative. what HE just said, about the north end? THAT'S pejorative.

so. now they want me to write this letter, telling mr basford pretty much everything i told them, about everything that i think about his teaching, about him being unreasonable, and not having any respect for us or our opinions, or just being outright offensive and ignorant. about filthy rich! about that STUPID history field trip! about the free university for aboriginals! all of them. and ms ianone thought of the greatest title :

We're Only From the North End, But...

and she told me to get all of my other friends from accel who are in his class to help write it, anybody who's in history who's pissed off and fed up and has had enough. and ms i wants a personal copy for mr heshka, they want to see it before anybody else. ms i's like, "and you should write, 'i have had the opportunity to talk to mr heshka, and he said that HE grew up and was raised in the north end. are you aware of what you're implying about mr heshka, our principal?'"

and, oh, a beautiful moment :

mr h : i'm not sure how he'll react about this letter. but if he acts in any way that makes you feel uncomfortable, or if he chastises you, just excuse yourself and come straight HERE. because this office is supporting you.
me : is it okay if i bring people?
mr h : oh yes, definitely.
me : even if it's seven or eight?
ms i : definitely! bring them ALL! you know, you and your friends should ALL write this letter together! it will be a labour of love! tell him that you're an A+ student, who's represented sisler at the canada wide science fair, who's involved with student council, taking over freshly pressed as a co-editor, and generation peace as the president. tell him all of that. make him listen to you. and slant the whole thing around the north end.

and then, later on, she called me down to the office again to show me this beautiful, beautiful thing :

http://www.yourdictionary.com/ahd/f/f0123150.html

i have learned many things today. mostly that heroes DO exist, and that they are our teachers. our teachers who are awesome : corvino, tulner, bandfield - and our admin people who are equally awesome : ms ianone and mr heshka. and also my parents, who were highly entertained and extremely proud of me for standing up for myself. and of course all of my friends, including you guys, and all the other people at school who have backed me up (even the illiterate! even SHE said she would back me up!) having what little faith in mr basford get completely destroyed just restored my faith in the rest of the human race.

so. anybody in history who has any ideas for the letter, just leave a comment! i'll be working on on this, and on english, all day today. =D

EDIT : my mother expressly says, "i told you so" because she told me to march straight up to heshka the second i started complaining about history. moral of the story : mommy knows best.

2ND EDIT : wow, so apparently a bunch of people keep linking to this entry. XD all you people who don't have LJs, feel free to post an anonymous comment just so's i have an idea of who's reading. seems like everyone likes a good rebellion? XD

"you know how i know -you're- gay?"

2007-04-29T04:19:35Z

so, a brief summary of a week in the life of chen :

monday. first day of drama workshop at u of w. we chase tennis balls and scream "I want it!" for our character motivation exercise. at the beginning, there are approximately three people jumping up and down and saying "I want it!". by the end of the exercise, there are twenty-two people in a huge riot, all of them screaming, "IWANTITIWANTITIWANTIT!"

do other exercises like "leading and following", where me and my friend caitlin do tai chi, cha-cha, and waltz. then we do exercises in tension and conflict : which means, ARGUING. we also make up scenes : i get to be a little girl who is waiting for her pet hamster to come back to life. FUN.

also today, we choose our scenes. my choice is either a scene from "clerks" or from "uncommon women and others". here's a snippet of the first:

RANDAL : Chick only made you nuts. She cheated on you how many times?
DANTE : Eight and a half.
RANDAL : Eight and a half?
DANTE : Party at John K's-senior year. I get blitzed and pass out in his 
bedroom. Caitlin comes in and dives all over me.
RANDAL : That's cheating?
DANTE : In the middle of it, she calls me Brad.
RANDAL : She called you Brad?
DANTE : She called me Brad.
RANDAL : That's not cheating. People say crazy shit during sex. One time, I
called this girl "Mom."
DANTE : I hit the lights and she freaks. Turns out she thought I was Brad 
Michaelson.
RANDAL : What do you mean?
DANTE : She was supposed to meet Brad Michaelson in a bedroom. She picked
the wrong one. She had no idea I was even at the party.
RANDAL : Oh, my God.

tuesday. vocal exercises. we play a game call "mickey mouse meets marilyn monroe", where we do a super high squeaky voice and turn it into a low, breathy one. all i can think of is that one line from a movie with lauren bacall, where she goes :

"if you need anything, just whistle. you do know how to whistle, don't you? you just put your lips together... and blow."

recount this story to my drama friends, all of whom die laughing, and one of whom promises to use it as a pick up line from here on after.

pick up my brother mark from the airport at midnight. one of his roommates at university is allergic to eggs, nuts, and seafood (like me), as well as citrus, and chicken. all mark can talk about is how the very first thing he wants to eat is "a whole chicken". cooked or uncooked remains the intriguing question.

wednesday. do all of our vocal exercises, which means "mickey and marilyn", the "pa" game, and "sound and gesture". also, me and my partner praisia get a baby doll as a prop for our scene! after finding out from our teacher tom that the doll doesn't have a name, we christen him george, or jorje, pronounced "whore-hay".

also today, i try to sell off some brand new books at a used a bookstore. this is how the conversation goes between me, the deaf book shop owner, and his daughter, who has to yell at him so he can hear her :

owner : i can give you seven dollars. 
me : for - for one? or for all four of them?
daughter : I THINK SHE'S IN SHOCK.

then he explained the whole elaborate process to me, and how four books that first cost, all together, about one hundred dollars all together, could be reduced to seven.

and that was how gretchen lost her used book virginity.

thursday. last day before our performances. everyone is starting to wilt and get sick of their scenes after rehearsing so many times. instead, mostly everyone lounges about and listens to one of the guys, steven (our minor celebrity, and Grade A HautBread) talk about how he watches the pussycat dolls from his hotel room. we take a ridiculous amount of group pictures. in the afternoon, we try this weird numbers game, and also the human knot, which is just an excuse for some of the girls to feel up steven, the poor boy. (NO I WAS NOT ONE OF THEM.)

oh yes, and me and praisia are doing part of "uncommon women and others". my character's name is rita, and my very first line is, "hey man, wanna go out and cruise for pussy?"

ahh, i love our scene.

friday. last day. we do a dress rehearsal, the usual warm ups, and also a lovely game called "gremlins", which makes us look like utter freaks, and is awesome. our final performances (mostly) go without a hitch. our scene is the very last one, and it's amazing that the audience still finds it funny despite the fact that most of them have seen it three or four times already. we all get very teary saying goodbye, especially when steven has to board a plane back to churchill. cue random excuse for a lot of girls to hug him goodbye. also, everyone loves the shirt i wear today :

http://www.threadless.com/product/157/Afternoon_Delight

i get home early, about two-thirty, and then run around making a cake for kris espineli's surprise birthday party, which turns out to be awesome, since it involves, in no order : watching basketballs go flying into burgers, really bad eminem songs (ah, memories of gr. 8), balloon boobs, making random songs up in the style of jack black, failure at creating fires, AWESOME FOOD, sexy back, stealing charcoal and fire starters in true north end style, homosexuality, choking on marshmallows ("chubby bunny!") and good ole junior high back of the bus perverted humour. also, JHAG GRABBING VINEET'S ASS WHILE HE WAS ASLEEP. beautiful.

went home around eleven, watched "forty year old virgin". my god, i love steve carell.

and that was my week in a nutshell. XD

return to friends on monday ---> =D
return to homework --> DOOOOOOOOOM